Me Time

Hi there, muffins. Happy Thursday and Happy almost St. Patrick's Day! 

Spring was here for, oh, about two seconds before quickly being erased by another polar vortex. Mother Nature decided to torture us again with 7-9 inches of that white shit that won't go away. I just think it's not very nice to tease us with a 55-degree day and then decide to snow with temperatures somewhere around 3.  

However, the lure of St. Patty's Day fun is teasing my soul, so any complaint about the weather has been pushed gently to the back of my skull.  

Anyway.  

You'll have to excuse me, but I don't really have a direction for this post. My mind is filled to the brim with a mixture of emotions at the moment, and trying to formulate anything out of the chaos seems like a daunting challenge. Like I said in the last couple posts, changes are happening in my life, and nothing creates more worry, confusion, happiness or peace. 

In fact, last night, one of those changes came to fruition: My boyfriend and I decided to take a break from our relationship. 

I know some people don't believe in breaks, and believe me, I never thought we'd be in this position, but I think it's the best thing for us, and more importantly, me. 

It's been lingering in my mind for a while now because things just haven't been quite right between us. Often times, I find myself unhappy, which affects him so then he's unhappy, which turns around and makes me even unhappier. It's a vicious cycle, friends. And besides all that, we just stopped acting like a couple. We stopped showing our love for each other. We became roommates instead of lovers. 

But, to be honest, the decision stemmed from more than the relationship woes. 2014, as I've mentioned multiple times, is the year where I focus on my happiness. I need to do what's in my best interest, even if it sucks. I need to evaluate where I am in my life, what I need in order to grow, and ultimately, what I want. 

I also thought it best to take a step back and learn how to love myself. You can't expect someone else to love you when you don't love yourself first, right? Right. So it's time for me to step up and work on me. 

And I found that I just couldn't do that with him. 

Long story short, it sucks, but it's for the best. It's going to take a lot of effort, especially since we live together and share an apartment - we'll need to figure out the whole space thing - but I know it'll work out. 

That's all I have for you today. My mind is running low on words to put into sentences, and my head is filled with a crazy collision of thoughts that won't untangle enough to formulate. 

Have a great end of the week and weekend! 


- A