Driving Me Crazy

Holy catfish. It's been a while since I wrote in this ol' blog of mine.
Traveling for work for a whole week, finishing up my December issue and just having a life will do that to a girl, I guess. I also traveled to East Lansing for the U of M - Michigan State football game (GO GREEN) and went to a Third Eye Blind concert in downtown Detroit with some friends. 

Pictures, you say? You want to see the very exciting life I lead? Here a couple before we get into today's post. 

 At HopCat in East Lansing with my girls + their famous "Crack Fries"

This weekend, I'll be heading to Pittsburgh with my beau to go to my first ever Steelers game at Heinz field! I'm super excited to explore the city, eat at new restaurants, buy all the Steelers things I possibly can and of course, go to the game itself. They're playing the Lions so it's kind of a win-win situation for me, no matter the outcome! 

But let's get to the theme of today's post. I was having some troubles coming up with something to write about, but then it hit me: What's one of my biggest pet peeves and something I've encountered a lot lately? Bad drivers. So let's talk about terrible, no-good, bad driving habits of other people that I can't stand.

1. People that are incapable of driving the speed limit. If you can't manage to go 2 mph over the recommended 40, please get off the roads. I hate you. You make me do this: 

2. Swinging into oncoming traffic while in the turn-around lane. I think this applies mainly to Michigan lefts, but people, there's just no need. If you want someone to hit you as you give yourself a huge birth to turn in the perfectly-big-enough lane, then please, continue. 

3. People that don't turn right on red lights. You're an idiot. Unless there's a sign telling you you're not supposed to turn, JUST TURN ALREADY. 

4. Texting/Facebooking while driving. As I'm passing you, I can see you paying more attention to the screen than the road. It makes me want to hit you. Just don't do it. 

5. People that stop while turning. Push on the effing gas pedal, dude. I know turns are scary, but I promise, you can do it. And I even bet you can do it without going 2 mph! 

6. Overly aggressive driving. I go over the speed limit, I turn when I'm supposed to, so if you're riding my ass and being obnoxious, expect me to become a total asshole right back. If I can't see your headlights in my rear-view, we're gonna have a problem.

7. Not going on green lights. Pay attention before I murderball you. You're probably texting, so please refer to #4. 

8. Bad parkers. If you are unable of parking within the designated white lines, move yourself to the very back of the parking lot and park by yourself. Also, go back to high school and learn how to be an adult. Thanks. 

9. People that randomly break for no reason. Seriously? You need to constantly break because that car 2,000-feet in front of you is turning? I will put that break pedal where the sun don't shine if you don't freaking stop. I will pull up next to you and look at you like this:

10. Slow drivers in the fast lane on the highway. It's simple really: MOVE.

11. Not pulling all the way up at left-hand turns. The light will not register that you are there, meaning we don't get a turn. Meaning you are effing up a lot of people's journeys. 

12. People that cut corners as they turn. You are part of the reason that the people mentioned in #11 are so panicked and dumb. There's no need to make such a tight turn and cut off another lane. If you can't make a normal, round turn, get da fuq out.

13. Letting unnecessary people in. It is not your job to allow people in when we're driving along and they make a dumb decision, we have a green light or some other asinine reason. They'll have their chance. 

14. Dumb people. You probably shouldn't have received your license, you're so brain dead. You ruin my life a little bit. Just saying. 

You may think this is overkill, but I just can't help it - I really hate bad drivers. It should be a privilege to be on the road, a great responsibility and all that jazz. But anyone that doesn't crash can get their license and now the roads are filled with people that have no right to be operating a major piece of machinery. 

Also, old folks, you should have to re-take your driver's test once you hit a certain age. Some of you are just plain dangerous. And oblivious. I can't tell you how many times I almost died on the road due to a senior citizen that has no idea what the eff they're doing. 

Anyway, Happy Thursday and have a good rest of your week! 

- A