RIP

Today, I was going to recap the amazing weekend I had in Pittsburgh; however, after what happened last night, that's not going to happen because it ended in the worst way possible. 

Last night, my boyfriend and I had to put our kitten down. Our 1.5-year-old baby. 

she was the cutest - I mean, she's even smiling here!

I'm a wreck. A complete and utter mess. So far, I've only managed to stop crying long enough to sleep and to work for 2 hours this morning. Then someone called, leaving their condolences, and I bawled in my cube. Hours without incident: 0. 

Turns out, she had leukemia. It came on extremely fast, taking away our kitten's spirit faster than I ever knew possible. She wanted to play and be active, but her body wouldn't allow it. We could have done expensive blood transfusions, but the doctor said it would only help for a month or two before her health deteriorated again and even more so. Even though I wanted to be selfish and keep her alive for as long as I could, the only clear choice was to put her out of her misery. 

And honestly, this is the worst thing ever.

A piece of my heart is gone. Losing a pet is like losing a family member - a child even. We had her for such a short time - only a year - and the unexpectedness of this makes it that much worse. She was supposed to be around for years; we weren't supposed to lose her so soon. It's not fair, but life isn't fair.

I can comfort myself in knowing that we gave her the most love possible, and she returned it back onto us. She was the best cat in the entire world, and I will miss her and her antics every single day. Being in my apartment is awful because everything reminds me of her. I even cried seeing a bird out the window this morning because they were her favorite and I knew she would be sitting there talking to it if she could. 

I'm not okay and I won't be for a while. My heart hurts, my soul hurts, my eyes are almost swollen shut from all the crying and the sides of my nose are raw from blowing my nose so often.

I just have to remind myself: She's in a better place, where she's not in pain anymore. A place filled with clear plastic balls, all the strings she could ever want and lots of birds to watch. 

I love you so much, Marlee. I always will. You were the best cat. Thank you for everything. 

RIP MARLEE. 


- A