Enough is Enough

As I try my hardest to close my eyes and drift into the quiet slumber that I so deserve after such a long day, a flash of panic pops them back open. The suddenness leaves me squinting in an act to get my eyes to focus -- though, I remember, its futile as my glasses sit on the table next to me. As my eyes ever-so-slightly focus into their blurry normalcy, so do my thoughts; the first one being "What if someone is under the bed?" I force an ounce of laughter out of my tightening muscles; what a preposterous idea, my mind chimes in. But then, my mind turns on itself -- replaying every dark and twisted scene of all the movies and all the crime TV shows I've ever witnessed. Brutal images flash through my subconscious like a speeding train. Panic sets in as my muscles tense with fear. It's not a totally farfetched reaction: I'm in the middle-of-nowhere Wisconsin, staying in a room that doesn't lock when not occupied. Haven't I heard of a horror story like this before? I think, before silently chastising myself for even entertaining the idea. Then, another thought hits me like a stack of bricks: "What if someone is hiding in the shower?" Before another wave of horrific thoughts hit me, I squeeze my eyes shut and repeatedly tell myself how crazy I sound. It doesn't help. Every unfamiliar noise sends me reeling back into a trepidation, with hypotheticals careening through my brain like flies. I flip onto my other side and try to regain my composure. Everything is fine... I am alone... I am fine... 

Now, my dear readers, there's a problem in that paragraph. 

No, it's not a grammatical error, a spelling mistake or some other writing folly. 

No, the problem is my first instinct of danger, abuse and fear. The problem is the commonality of those feelings amongst women in today's society. 

Before anyone says it, this isn't a "feminist rant." Not only is that bullshit to begin with, but it's also stereotypical, and, to be brutally honest, asinine. This is a human being rant. This is a personal experience rant. To classify it, put a tag on it and stuff it into a small-minded box like that would be an injustice to not only women, but the human race as a whole. So, please -- just don't. 

Now, it is my belief that our society has become a conglomerate of violence and sexual predator-ism against women. After watching almost every episode of Criminal Minds, Law and Order: SVU and every other popular crime drama on TV, it's obvious that women are likely targets, who are deemed "inferior", "weak" or "deserving". It's hard not to feel paranoid, untrustworthy and -- worst of all -- scared when chosen as the designated victim. Because of this, I'm left asking just what our media has done for, and to, our gender. 

The boogeyman, once a fictional story told by parents at bedtime, has morphed into a real-life nightmare that lurks in every corner, profession and status. The media has taught us that even the seemingly nicest individuals harbor dark desires and villainous motives. We've all heard it -- the sweet, charming husband who murders his wife in a brutal attack or the smart, dedicated college student who enjoys rape in their spare time. How can anyone feel safe when they're told to constantly look over their shoulder? 

The answer is you can't. You can't feel safe with the prominent taste of distrust and horror lingering on your tongue. There will always remain a little doubt, a little hesitancy. 

Not only is there a sense of fear, thanks in part to the media, but also an alarming sense of brutality. I've noticed a recent trend of increasing violence as more and more movies and TV shows dare to push the boundaries. And there have been a number of times where I've been forced to close my eyes during a particular scene due to its graphicness. As an avid movie watcher, I've seen a lot -- and there's no doubt that I've seen too much violence against my gender. Do we really need to see another woman horrifically raped on screen? 

Women should not be considered weak, frail creatures, nor should we be treated as lesser humans. We are not victims. We are not the weaker sex. And it is my deepest wish that the mindsets that say otherwise change soon. The media needs to stop perpetuating this type of violence. When they stop making it the norm, the world will (hopefully) follow. 

I wasn't expecting to get on my soapbox today, but finding yourself unable to sleep due to the fear of a strange person hiding under your bed kinda puts you up there. 


- A