Making Mistakes Like Mario

My life has been riddled with mistakes. 

That's not an easy sentence to admit, nor is it an easy one to put out on the interwebs for everyone to see. But it's the truth, and it's something that I just can't stop thinking about. 

I know that considering any life event a mistake is inherently wrong. Each one is a lesson or a growing opportunity! That's what optimists always say, right? We learned from each and every one, and have become better people because of that deviation from what's right. But a mistake is still a mistake, no matter how you frame it and regardless of the glittery sprinkles of positive bullshit you cover it in. 

We're not supposed to have regrets, but I think that's a load of horse shit. Everyone regrets something in their past, whether it be an outfit choice, a hook up, eating too many tacos, drinking too many beers or letting something escape that should have never left the confines of one's mouth.

That regret stems from our mistakes. They go hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm. 

To be honest, I have severe issues with letting go of my less-than-proud moments. Past mistakes continue to haunt me, like ghosts, chasing me around in a regret-fueled stupor, and all I want is to be able to chase them away. Take my sword out, punch it in their sickening, hurtful gut and watch their remnants float up into the sky, never to be thought of again. 

But, alas, my life isn't a video game. 

So I dwell on, continuing my quest for the ever-elusive prize, with my mistake ghosts following me at every turn. There are nights where they overwhelm me, pushing themselves on top of me like a boulder, and I lose myself. There are days where I manage to lose them and bask in the sun without a care. But more often than not, they're small little devils with their tongues sticking out, making their presence known when a song comes on, a thought crosses my mind or a word is uttered. 

How do we vanquish our ghosts and move on from our mistakes? 

Sure, tell me that everyone makes them. Tell me that I should learn from it, and if I did, that I'm better for it. Tell me that it's not that big of deal. I've heard it all before. And it doesn't help. Sorry. There are just too many things that I wish never happened. 

I wish I didn't go to that house party my junior year of high school. I wish I would have spoken up. I wish I didn't kiss that guy. Or that one. I wish I didn't let it get to me like it did. I wish I would have been nicer. 

So many mistakes, so little time. 

I've reached the point in my life where I'm sick of making the same mistakes over and over again. I thought I had learned the necessary lessons, and I have learned some, but I've stumbled a few steps backwards. But it's all part of this journey we call life, right? So I'll do what I always do: try to make the best of it. 

I'm flawed. I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have regrets. 

But I'm sharpening my sword and those ghosts are toast. 


- A